i had the strangest dreams, i was at eastern with christine and…wait, to be continued. 

I had a dream that pat was doing coke. i beat the shit out of his drug dealer (who was a friend of mine from high school) but i couldnt hurt him, i even poked his eyes in…wtf! so there was a war of my high school friends beating each other up, someone broke glass and we were cutting each other with it and throwing it and whatnot. it was a pretty retarded dream. i do miss pat though and hope hes not putting that stuff up his nose.

It was christmas at my parents house, family and friends everywhere, good food, music, dogs and games and of course…Justin Bieber. He was there for some reason, he was indeed famous and brooding so no one was talking to him except for me. We discussed Selena Gomez and how awesome it was that the two of them knew The Midnight Beast. He developed a crush on me and even though there was an age difference i kinda liked him too. My mom yelled at me and told me he was too young and i told her “whatever i’ll be set for life.”

i remembered more of my dream from last night, i actually woke up sweating and scared. i was being honed out and tortured by a ghost. i know it sounds stupid but in the dream it was terrifying. i couldnt see the ghost, i was being pulled by my body to where it was haunted. i was pulled to this small wooden window that had been boarded up. i was also datin my first boyfriend ever for some reason, haha. who knows…it was nice to see him but my god did that dream suck…

I had a dream that we were having a big engagement party for Jen and Jonnie and meg showed up on the train showing me her new ring and telling me that her and Ed got engaged, it was this big plastic ring with a metal circle in the middle, it was glittery like druzy and blue like a sapphire. Then im going into the bathroom which turned out to be an asian hair salon and they are talking about the jonas brothers and i tell them to watch what they say because one of them (the youngest one) will be my brother in law soon. then i go out and join the party and jen says shes engaged, yay, meg and ed say they are engaged, yay, then my dude gets off the train and asks me to marry him, yay. my ring is big and pointy and ugly and then next thing you know i have like every finger covered in rings and i have to try to figure out where they go. after that we are all walking through the woods in ridley creek state park and from across the river some kids bombard me with paintballs. i start screaming “stop stop its my wedding day!” and they dont so i just beast forward into the painballs and go up to a kid, knock him down and steal his gun. then i go around like a champ and hit people straight in the face with paintballs. i even got one kid right in his mouth.

since no one follows me on here i find it safe to write half drunk about something other than a dream i had. its cliche to pine over the opposite sex, and love, however i need to…and like i said, no one will see this anyway. i met the perfect person for me and i finally feel in a place to be the perfect person for someone else but this guy is so very busy. id put off any plan and go to any place he is, and i wish i could tell him that. im afraid that he will tell me he has no place for me in the future because of his schedule. what do i do? i suppose waiting is the only answer, and letting things pan out the way they should. with as much faith i put into karma and the universe knowing what its doing i still am impatient. im learning though. i can only hope for the best and keep looking towards the future, towards better days, keep dreaming…

I had a bad one last night, it was in my house, for once, and i noticed that people were dragging this vine over my fence. the vine had pumpkins and zuccinis and i wanted to pick a really good one to eat for dinner when i noticed the people were tearing down my fence with it. then more of my fence was ruined, then more and more! soon the whole fence was wrecked and this creepy asian kid walked into my yard and stabbed Apple and Achilles in the neck. (i just had a thought that maybe the creeper of an asian was the spirit of that kid that killed people in his college a few years back…i dont know…) Apple and Achilles were dead. I went inside and my house was having a huge party so i screamed for everyone to get the fuck out. it was cool because usually in these dreams i have no voice, or cant hit, or whatever it is that i want to do, but in this one i roared and it worked. so everyone left except for my family and close friends. Apple and Achilles were magically alive again and then for some reason i was yelling at Lexi saying it was Achilles’ fault and they needed to get rid of him. There was also a part in this dream where my family was rummaging around in bags of hand me downs, but they ranged from clothing to household stuff to cars. i was upset because i had claimed some stuff and they wouldn’t let me have it. this was primarily my aunt merd and wayne and nanny’s doing. next it snapped back to me freaking out because scary asian dude was back and trying to kill the dogs again. he had a huge knife and i got it from him but then he had another and another. i dont know how but i got him out of the house and started frantically locking the doors and windows, of which i had a ton more than i do in real life. my mom was yelling at me because i wouldnt go outside and she wanted me to drive my grandmother somewhere (she’s dead in real life, so that was nice to see her). Instead i was searching the internet for my therapist who was Neil Gaiman (my favorite author in real life) and screaming at my mom saying “dont you get it, im having a panic attack, he wants to kill apple and hes after me!” no one seemed to understand the severity of the situation. it left off at that, and was one of those dreams where you wake up and go back to once you fall asleep again. horrible. i woke up finally to see Apple and Dylan sleeping like little angels together, and was very relieved no one was dead or fake dead.

i dreamt that my leg was cut open. it started with my thigh, there ws a hole in it. in the hole there was a chunky gross liquid, it was like wax that had been burnt from a candle. i shifted my leg and let it pour out. when i did this i realized i could see into my leg and a lot of my insides were missing. i then felt an aweful pain and saw that my shin was cut from the ankle to the kneecap and it was red and bloody, with exposed muscles. it was horrible, my whole leg was in trouble. i then had to get stitches, which my friend tommy did for me. i woke up and was greatful for him saving my extremity.